What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
