The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
