I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
