she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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