I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you traded sex for a burrito?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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