If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
