he puts the penis in happiness.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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