He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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