I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
And then he peed in my hair
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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