Well douche your snatch and let's go!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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