There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
