if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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