I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
