I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
