dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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