3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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