I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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