Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
