If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
