Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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