Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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