so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
