Got a toothbrush?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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