Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
