WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
