I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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