You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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