Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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