hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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