Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
