Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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