so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
