My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
