his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
