Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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