what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
