Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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