i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I want you more than these girls want KFC
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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