it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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