ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
