I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
