I want to stick my p in your. b.
He felt like a one man threesome
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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