there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
