I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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