the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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