If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
