i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
