Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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