i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
