Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I need help removing her.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
