I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
