It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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