I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
