if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
