i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.