the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?