I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
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Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
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The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"