He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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