Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
