i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
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why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
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Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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