if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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