I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
