i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
